Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
