Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think people are normalizing furries
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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