dude i'm inner monologue high
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
