It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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