I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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