Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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