tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
