opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
