Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to align my fucking chakras
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
