By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
