I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
