So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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