You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
