Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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