On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
