if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who died my cat blue again?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
