are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
