I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
