I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
