Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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