when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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