I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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