You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
