I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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