Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I looked at my own cervix.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
