thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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