Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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