she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
