Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
