everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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