hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
