When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
