U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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