After last night, I could never be a politician.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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