My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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