today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
