Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
