I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
