textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
