Need sex. Gaining weight.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
