no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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