need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
