loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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