he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
