Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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