i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why didn't you poke me back
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
