So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
