My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
