so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
