After last night, I could never be a politician.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
