I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
