I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
