Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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