YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
