I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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