Is it normal to miss your booty call?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
