I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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