If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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