Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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