i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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