I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
