went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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