do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize