My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
