Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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