I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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