Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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