Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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