dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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